I am going to tell you about something that I am not proud of. Something that I did a few years ago that has haunted me a bit. You know, I’m not sure why I keep telling yall my deep dark secrets. Maybe it’s to warn you and help you avoid mistakes that I made. Or, maybe it’s to cleanse my soul. Or, maybe I jus' don’t know no better. For whatever reason, I am going to tell you my tale and make a confession…
We raised 4 kids with a 12-year age span. Just about the time we got one kid through one phase of life, here came another one putting their own mark on the world. Juggling all the kids’ responsibilities and activities was a full-time job. Adding in parental volunteer roles for each of those activities complicated life even more. Oh, and jobs—we had jobs to tend to, too. Like, our careers. All this to say we were busy, busy beavers while our kids grew up. The calendar hanging on my kitchen wall was famous for being ridiculously over-crowded with handwritten notes, stickers, circled dates, and other reminders.
Here are some of the activities that one or more of our kids were involved in. Girl Scouts, Navy Jr ROTC, church Youth Group, church Handbell Choir, Destination Imagination, Marching Band, Concert Band, Orchestra, Honors Orchestra, Theater, Basketball, Volleyball, Cross Country, Track and Field, Peer Leadership. The extra-curriculars took a lot of time for both the kids and us, as parents.
While in middle school, one of my daughters was nominated for the National Jr. Honor Society, based on her stellar grades and her leadership potential. She had always been an excellent student, but had not gotten many accolades along the way. I thought that the Honor Society would be a great boost of confidence for her, and I encouraged her to follow through so she could accept the nomination. After we got the initial notification, we waited for more information. And we waited, and waited, and waited some more. Then, one day, in an offhand casual way, my 12 year old daughter said, “Oh by the way, that form for the Honor Society is due tomorrow.” Form? What form? She then dug through her bookbag and found, crumpled at the bottom, the 5-page form which was an application for the National Jr. Honor Society. Looking at the form, I realized that she had been nominated, but now she had to turn in an application which listed her activities, accomplishments, and community involvement. Her completed application would then be reviewed. I surmised that not everyone who was nominated would be chosen to actually join the Honor Society.
Even though she was rather meh about the whole thing, I felt it was my duty to ensure that she took this opportunity to try for the recognition. Important Note: I am not a Helicopter Parent or a Tiger Mom. I am the mom who can’t remember the details of my kids’ education. The mom who forgets time and time again. There was a standing joke for each high schooler when I could never remember if I had ordered and paid for their high school yearbook. For, like, 12 years, every spring, I had to reboot an old email to send to the teacher who was yearbook sponsor, asking her to search the records to see if I had completed the order. Every year, same email. Completely ridiculous. I’m the mom who forgot to order a cake for my senior’s high school graduation party, so I bought a giant Happy Birthday cookie off the day-old clearance rack at the grocery store, scraped the decorative words off and used store-bought icing to write a Happy Graduation message. Come to think of it, it might have been the other way around. I think I scraped the Happy Graduation message off the cookie then wrote Happy Birthday for a daughter's birthday. That’s the kind of mom I am.
Full disclosure--it should be noted that I am a detail oriented planner. I can get overly focused on every tiny detail of every little thing. But, if I am not focused on that particular thing or it has not grabbed my attention, then that's when deadlines get missed, important papers get lost, and I don't recall anything at all about it. No idea. If you have ever watched the TV show “The Middle”, I am Frankie Heck all over again.
But, unlike that, I completely pounced on this Honor Society application. I sprang into action calling out questions and filling out the blank pages of the form. My daughter was not very interested, so I told her not to worry about it, I would finish filling it out and run everything by her when I was done. And, she would thank me later. I knew that through Girl Scouts she had numerous community service activities. I was her Girl Scout leader, so I knew intricate details of all the volunteer activities we had done as a group, and I would be able to list them accurately. As I got further into the multi-page form, though, I realized that I was in trouble. This form required me to list the activity, such as “Blanket Drive for the Homeless”, give details such as “at Phillips Arena in Atlanta on Martin Luther King Jr Day”, and provide the SIGNATURE of the supervisor. I realized that this form, that was due in less than 12 hours (mostly sleeping hours), needed signatures from all the places throughout the Greater Atlanta area where my daughter had done volunteer work over the last several years. My heart sank.
Remember, now, that I told you how busy and stressed my life was at this time. Instead of calmly filling out the rest of the form, I started to panic. I knew all the details about her community service, because most of it I had coordinated. But, my overthinking brain questioned whether she should turn in an application with a dozen activities all signed off by her mother. How would that look? It’s fair to note, too, that with older kids, we had been up to our ears in college application essays and scholarship competitions. Making sure that the application “Stood Out” had been drilled into me for months. To be selected, an applicant had to look good on paper. On the spot, I decided that it would not do to have her mother vouch for every service project that she had ever done.
That’s when I did it. I signed a dozen forged names, using different handwritings to represent the people who had supervised the service activities at various functions. Yep, that’s what I did.
Can you believe I did that for her application for the National Jr. HONOR Society? I cheated on her application. For the Honor Society. In Middle School. What was I thinking??
I think, unfortunately, people find themselves in situations like this often. Where they get in so deep that they lose their ability to reason. Pressure and stress often cloud their vision. They arrive at what they think is the only solution to solve the problem before them. Stepping away, either through distance or through time, could help them see that they were way off base when they made the decision that they made. But, often, they get caught up in the affairs, and then get caught, or get in trouble for the bad decision. Things often start to unravel.
What I should have done, I think, is to write a little extra-- sign my name, explaining my role as Girl Scout leader, and include the names and phone numbers of the adults who supervised each event. That would give full explanation on the form, without making it look like her mom was running everything. I knew that my daughter deserved to get into the National Jr. Honor Society. And she DID get in. Turns out, there wasn’t much to it, and it didn’t amount to anything. After the welcoming initiation, there was very little action. She wasn't interested in the Honor society, and I quickly lost interest, too.
So now, I have confessed my actions and explained my poor judgement. I encourage you to think twice before you bend the rules or fudge on the details. It might be no big deal. But, it also might weigh on your conscience, if your future success is tainted a bit. Best to tell the truth.
I’m gonna try to leave the dishonesty behind. Next time I will stop and take a breath. Get out of my head and look at the situation objectively. It might be more trouble, but I’ve decided it’s much better to act with HONOR. Do the right thing. Stay on the up and up. Keep my conscience clear.
Anything you need to get off your chest?
I think we've all done something like that, at one time or another. The good news is that you realized you were wrong, and used it as a lesson for the next time you get a bit carried away. And trust me, I know how easy it is to be get carried away where our kids are concerned, and the best we can do is remember our lessons!
Ann, you're right! Seems that if I announce it publicly I think I might be more likely to remember the lesson!
I must tell you that your confession made me laugh and I applauded your ingenuity. Now, bear in mind, that I believe in honor and integrity with all my heart. However, let's put this into perspective. Even if she had not told you about the application the night before and you would have had plenty of time - how would anyone collect signatures of folks from what could have been several years ago? I think that was asking a bit much from a middle schooler. Your signature as mom should have been good enough. Period. The application sounds a tad overdone, in my opinion. All that said, I completely understand your guilt about your actions. So as your confessor I hereby grant you absolution. Do 3 good deeds. And go and sin no more, my sister. Bless you. 🙂
Linda, I know! These types of things take themselves too seriously, at our expense. You are so smart to send me off to do 3 good deeds--balance and karma and absolution and all that stuff. I will do as you suggest!