That One Song

I tend to be an upbeat person. I like to enjoy life. I look for the good and try to spread positivity. I usually call attention to the silver linings on cloudy days. When blogging, I often try to write about things that might inspire others by highlighting fun topics or exploring interesting points of view. Born under the birth sign Libra, my personality is non-confrontational, evenly balanced. I play devil’s advocate and strive to consider the many different sides of each issue.  I make a point to recognize that people have different likes, tastes, and interests. And none of them carry more weight than other people’s likes, tastes, and interests. I often feel To Each His Own. I try not to be too critical of things that don’t interest me, even though I acknowledge that I do like to do things MY way. I try to keep that selfish desire in check so that it doesn’t taint my view of the world and the way other people operate within the world.

I’m not perfect by any means. But, I strive to live my life with open-mindedness and tolerance. Realizing that there are many things in this world that aren’t to my liking, but that’s ok. So be it.

Having said all of that, I must admit that there are some things in this world that really get my goat. Things for which I have no patience. Things that I would wish off the face of the Earth, if I had the power to do that.  These are things whose existence I cannot justify. I can’t find any good reason that they occupy space or take up time. If I had my druthers, these things would vanish forever. You might say that I feel relatively strongly about some of them.

One of these things, for example, is the cockroach, which comes in the version of Palmetto Bug here in Georgia, USA.  A disgusting, staggering around, behemoth insect (up to 2 inches or 4-5 cm long!!!!) that hangs around in dark places and creeps out to startle people when least expected. I have zero tolerance for those guys, and more than a little fear of them. You will not see a picture of that monstrous insect in this post. While I appreciate and respect most species in the animal kingdom, I wouldn’t hesitate a second if I had a Cockroach-Eliminating machine. I would fire that sucker right up and say Adios to all cockroaches around the world. Or, I would don Marvel Comic’s Infinity Stone Gauntlet and snap my fingers, al la Thanos, to rid the world of every cockroach in the greater universe, if that would do the trick. Goodbye cockroaches. Ripple effect be damned.

Yes, I feel strongly about that.

Another thing that I feel strongly about, negatively, I mean, involves Christmas. In truth, I am a big fan of Christmas and all the surrounding holidays. I greet holiday celebrations with enthusiasm. I honor and respect other peoples’ views with unprejudiced acceptance. I do my best to welcome a variety of traditions and festivities, whether they involve me or not. The Christmas/End-of-Year holiday season, for me, is a joyous time, where I decorate with enthusiasm, celebrate the birth of Jesus, engage with family and friends, absorb the beauty of the season, and fill the air with festive sounds.

But, one of the sounds, to me, is extremely annoying. I can’t bear to listen to it. I just can’t. It’s a song that, when it starts, makes me rush to the speaker controls to mute as quickly as possible. I just cannot stand to hear it. I dislike it so much. I see no reason that the song should even exist. It grates on my nerves and puts me in a bad mood. It is such a horrible song that it makes me mad.

What is this song of which I speak?

The Hippopotamus Song. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.  Really? You do?? WHY??? WHY in the world would you want that? HOW could you want that? A hippopotamus? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Note my tone of voice—this isn’t said with a humorous tone, it’s said with a scathing tone. I see no reason for anyone to say that they want a hippopotamus. No reason to sing it, or even think it. That’s just stupid.

I have a very good sense of humor. I love to laugh. I get a kick out of clever jokes, quirky humor, and witty dialogue. I enjoy hilarious pranks and out-there comedy.  Boisterousness, absurdity, and ludicrous activity usually get me. I can giggle along with a wide variety of funny songs, skits, jokes, people, situations, etc. I chuckle when I hear the song Santa Baby, with its tongue and cheek attack at commercialism. I join in to sing-speak with Michael Jackson when he's gonna tell his daddy I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. While it's not my favorite song, I can sit through The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) without flinching. I laugh when I listen to All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth, with its poke at young tikes and the struggles of growing up. I even sing along to the ridiculous Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer, especially during the part where deep-voiced Grandpa joins in on the chorus.

But, I cannot stand the Hippopotamus Song; aka, The Christmas Hippo Song; aka, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Recorded by Gayla Peevey in 1953. Or sung by anyone else on recording or in person with a microphone.  I really hate that song. “Why?” you ask, “Why do you hate it so much?” IDK. Maybe because it’s so ridiculously random without any wink-wink side joke.  Maybe because the tune is annoying in a fingernail-on-the-chalkboard way. There’s just no redeeming factor to the lyrics or the melody, as far as I can tell. It makes no sense. It's completely unnecessary.

I really don’t have anything against hippopotamuses (according to Oxford Reference, the plural hippopotamuses is preferred over hippopotami.) To me, that animal is okay--not great, not bad, it’s just there. I’ve seen hippopotamuses in the zoo. They were fine. Nothing wrong with them. The baby hippopotamus was kinda cute. Not cute like a baby elephant, or a baby giraffe, or baby orangutan, or baby polar bear, or baby otter, or baby koala, or a baby tiger, or a baby panda…..but the baby hippopotamus, he was alright. I looked at him, but I didn’t waste time taking any pictures of him.  Or the rest of the hippo family in the zoo.

Who doesn't love baby zoo animals?? Aren't they cute? If you wrote a song about wanting one of these for Christmas, I would be totally on board! Images from abcnewsgo.com.

I’ve heard that the hippo is one of the most dangerous animals in the world, as far as human casualties go. Strange choice for a pet, right?  Odd idea for a kid's song, dontcha think?

I can’t explain it, but the hate is real. I shudder when I even think about the irksome hippopotamus song. I’m sorry to be a Debbie Downer here in the Christmas season, complaining about that one song that bothers me so much. I can usually listen to Christmas music for hours without being disturbed by those irritating lyrics. But, when the song sneaks in and starts playing.....I'm nippin' it in the bud as quickly as I can, so the veins in my neck won't explode. Why does it bother me so? Why do I waste time mulling over it? Why do I waste energy talking about it?

Isn’t it funny how some of us get triggered by tiny insignificant things? Why do you think that happens? Why do we get a sudden rush of emotion, somewhere between annoyance and blind rage, when we encounter something that doesn’t set right with us? Is it just me? I am usually even-tempered. But, not when that song comes on. Get outta my way so I can immediately quash the voice and smother the sound.

Do you have irrationally strong objections to harmless things? Pet peeves? Have you declared war on inconsequential stuff? Do you ever get consumed with disgust about something innocuous like a Christmas song? Or anything else that really doesn't matter in the least? Anybody else do that? Anybody?

I promise I will try to put my petty grumbles aside for my next blog post. I will try to present a more upbeat discussion, channel my Kumbaya calmness. But, for now, cut me some slack, please. I just had to complain and get this off my chest. You’ve got to understand… I Want a Hippopotamus??  C’mon, really??? Seriously? I can’t help it, people. UGH. BAH. PTUI. ACK.*

 It’s just that one song.

^{* These are some spellings for “sound of disgust” according to dictionary.com crossword clues.}