Yes, But…

There is always light, if only we're brave enough to see it. If only we're brave enough to be it.

-Amanda Gorman

I am an optimistic person. I truly am. Yes, But...

I always have an underlying current of watchfulness that things might not be as good as they seem.  I'm often waiting for the next shoe to drop. I do a fairly good job of tamping down that inner voice -- the voice that tells me to be prepared for things to take a bad turn, to be on the lookout for the bottom to drop out. I tame that voice because I don't want to live my life looking over my shoulder waiting for things to unravel. I absolutely don't. And, despite that voice, I really am an optimist who prefers to look on the bright side of things. Ask anyone who knows me.

I think that my cautious nature takes root in me recognizing the extreme range of emotions that is part of the human experience. I cannot imagine being at the height of happiness, then suddenly plunging down to the depths of despair within a few moments’ time. I know that catastrophes sometimes happen. People can be blindsided and caught off guard when disaster strikes. I grieve for them when I hear about their situations.  I think an acute swing of the emotional pendulum like that would be far too great for me to handle. So, even in the best of times, I keep myself from rising to the highest of highs, staying just below the peak, if you will, so that, if something bad happens, the potential fall won't be quite as big. So that I could have a better chance of dealing with the sudden reversal in fortune. As a Libra, I tend to always try to balance the scales.

Does that even make sense? 

I’ve come to realize that is the logic that often leads me to say the words, Yes, But…

I live a great life, I really do. I have wonderful family and friends. I have opportunities galore. You might even think my life is all fun and games. I do like to write about my fun and my games. Yes, But…my family has many challenges, too. Some very difficult. We have as much *crap* to deal with as everyone. Some days have been very hard and we plugged along as best as we could. I am the positive thinker in the family, who tries to keep everyone’s spirits up when things are tough. Yes, But…I have felt the angst now and again that things might get worse instead of better. Just dealing with the ups and downs of life, and all.

You really don’t need to know EVERYTHING about me. It’s not like I’m parading all the details of my life in front of you or anything. Oh, wait. Maybe I am. Well, regardless of what I choose to post online, you don’t need to get ALL UP in my business. Nor does anyone need to get all up in anyone else’s business, as far as I’m concerned. You and I can show care and love for others without knowing their every single thought.  I choose to share some of my (Thought-provoking? Bizarre? Coherent? Inexplicable? Universal? Downright Weird?) thoughts with you, my readers, to allow an opportunity for yall to consider or, possibly, relate to my rationales and reasonings. Maybe it will help some of you along on your path of discovery. That's why I do what I do. So, there you have it.

Now that we’ve set that straight, let me continue.

When I look forward to a special, exciting time, I internally qualify the upcoming experience with Yes, But….to keep my expectations in check.

• We are going on vacation! Yes, But…the weather might turn bad.
• I’m getting a reimbursement check from the insurance company! Yes, But…you can’t always trust them, and they might tell you to send it back.
• We are buying a new *fill in the blank*! Yes, But…now we will have upkeep costs, and maintenance schedules, and whatever hassles come with it.

And so on and so on. That's me looking forward to something, but cautioning myself not to get too excited. I might not share those thoughts with people around me, but those thoughts weasel themselves into my brain.

Similarly, when recounting a previous event or time of life, I will talk about all the positives, but I will also throw in a Yes, But…to show that challenges were real.  To show that we had to deal with things. Sometimes I share those situations because it makes for good storytelling. Sometimes because I don’t want to come off as a show off or braggart, carrying on about what a charmed life I lead. (I don’t!!!) While I am known to gloss over the difficulties a time or two, I usually balance tales of good experiences by acknowledging there were also negatives.

Right now, I am sitting on the beach, composing this article by tippy tapping on the Notes app on my phone. Which isn't easy considering the reflective glare of the morning sun.

_{Stages of sunrise.}

For over 50 years, my family has owned a house in a small beach town. Yes, But…the day might come when we have to sell our beach house. That dreaded day has been on the horizon for probably 25 years. Relaxing here on the beach, with nothing to do but ponder life's deep mysteries, I began to consider my feelings about our family beach house. That, and much more.

As I sit here in my beach chair in the early morning hours, as I watch the ebb and flow of the tide, as I step into the ocean waves for a quick dip, as I walk down the sandy beach, as I chill out and let cares melt away, as I do all of those things, I know that I should be grateful. I shouldn’t add any Yes, Buts…I should just be grateful.

So, I thank God for the wonder of the ocean and the shore, the vast array of sea creatures swimming in the depths, the preponderance of birds that fly above the waves, the clear fresh air that we breathe, the diligent people who work to keep us safe, the kind beachgoing strangers who share a smile and a pleasant word. I thank my late grandparents for building their tiny little retirement home in this beach town in 1969. I thank my dearly departed parents for holding on to the house, even when finances were strained. I thank my sister for indulging me and agreeing we can keep the house just a little...bit...longer.

It's easy for me to say Yes, But…the ocean is being polluted, climate change is affecting the ecosystems, the town has raised prices on everything around here, traffic is worse than ever, people can be so rude. In addition, we might not be able to afford costly maintenance and other fees associated with our beach house. We might end up losing it.  And so on and so on. I could definitely say all those things. If I allowed myself to think like that, the negatives would never end.

Instead, I choose not to go there right now. I understand that it’s important to show the proper amount of concern at the proper time, and to tackle serious issues when they need to be tackled. To say the things that need to be said. To do the things that need to be done.

Yes, But…it’s also important to take time to appreciate, just appreciate, what is in front of me. No looming Buts. Although there have been a few looming Butts in front of me as beachgoers in teeny bikinis pass by. All kidding aside, I am consciously shutting down my inner alarm for the moment, so that I don’t bring any of the Yes, Buts…to the surface.

_{Daybreak: After the sand Zamboni swept the beach at the crack of dawn, I made the first footprints of the day. See what a BIG deal I am on the beach?!}

I am so happy that I can come to a beach full of memories. A place I enjoyed with my family as I grew up. A place my kids have enjoyed their whole lives. A place I have shared with people that I love.  A place that is part of my identity. I am so appreciative and thankful for that.

Nowadays, I could give into worries about EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD TODAY. I could bring those concerns to the forefront, let my outrage take over, and watch my blood pressure rise.

Yes, But...

Sometimes, I need to take time to stop and appreciate the world that is around me. Just be. No ifs, ands, or buts.