One time, when my four kids were little, I was talking to a friend, and she told me something that she did, which at the time, I thought was the most bizarre thing to do. She told me that, in her household, she hid candy so that she would have her own private stash. I remember thinking that was a very odd thing to do, very odd indeed. That was then. You see, her kids were several years older than my kids, and, at the time, my kids were young enough that they rarely made decisions about what they were going to eat. They rarely rummaged through cabinets or refrigerator shelves vacuuming up into their mouths whatever was in the path. Instead, they ate what I gave them to eat. I had no need of secret stashes of candy, I controlled the family stash. But, then…
Kids grew up and became independent thinkers, and independent food scavengers, and suddenly, an entire week’s worth of groceries would be consumed in less than 24 hours. Time after time, I stood in the grocery store choosing a particular snack or a specific ingredient, or some food item that I planned to eat or use in a certain way. Within hours of bringing it home, I would find it partially eaten or rendered unusable for its intended purpose, consumed by ravenous relatives. Hungry people ravaged the kitchen all hours of the day and night, leaving behind crumbs and scraps. When I confronted them about their frenzied eating behavior, they always responded, “I didn’t know you were going to use that. How was I supposed to know? I was hungry!”, and similar statements.
So, my solution to that problem was to attach Do Not Eat labels and similar signs on foods that I was saving for specific purposes. Let’s just say, if your family gives you a hard time because you don't tell them to leave foods alone, and you respond by putting labels on food to tell them to leave foods alone, they will overreact. “Oooohh, watch out—don’t touch MOM’s food! Be careful! She’ll be mad if you touch HER food!” Well, maybe your family wouldn’t overreact, but mine sure would. I quickly learned that labeling food was hard to manage, and it was not worth the trouble. So, instead, I tried to make whole-scale announcements to all the players to protect the foods that I planned to use. And, I resorted to hiding those foods in the back of the cabinet, in the back of the refrigerator shelf, or in a different room completely. Somewhere out of sight.
Occasionally, I would treat myself and buy a bag of M&M's or a Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt candy bar, or some other special item. When I buy a special treat like that, it is typical for me to save it for a while. It’s not that I don’t want it, it’s that I want to save it for a time when I really, really want it. It might be days, or weeks before I decide it’s time to eat it. As you can imagine, it was not a good idea to let special candy bars or treats like that sit around in my house. That’s how I found myself, just like my friend, hiding candy to have my own private stash. For years, I put special candy in a secret place, known only by me. Now that my kids are older, everyone knows where my private stash is, and I don’t really hide it any more—it’s in the dining room. But, my family also knows that they need to check in before they eat any of it, to make sure I’m ok with it. I’ve even trained Rob to check with me before eating any candy that he sees there.
Am I really here to talk about hidden candy and glutenous appetites? No, I’m actually pivoting the conversation, to talk about our journey through different stages of life. You see, when my friend confided in me about her candy stash, I was in a different stage of life with my family. I couldn’t even imagine why she would be hiding candy because there was no need for that behavior at my house.
When you are in high school, you can’t really imagine what life will be like in college, or working a full-time job. When you are expecting a baby, you can’t really imagine how life will change after it's born. Or, how it will change even more if you have additional children. When your youngest child prepares to leave the home, you can’t really know how your life will change as an empty nester. As Rob and I get nearer to retirement, we can’t really know how that is going to play out. I think that the smartest thing to do is to talk to people who have been there. People who can share their insight about things that worked well for them and things that didn’t.
I think, if we are willing to listen to people who are in different stages of life, then we might be able to glean information that would be helpful to us. I’ve seen that many of us spend time with people who are in the same general situations in life as ourselves. If we make a point of visiting with people who have moved into another stage of life, they might talk about things that don’t have relevance to our current situation, but maybe, perhaps, could give us insight into things we might encounter in the future. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have thought of hiding candy for myself if my friend hadn’t told me about it several years before, but I think her words validated my feelings when they finally came around. Oh, yes, I remember. Moms have to hide their candy, or they won’t have any for themselves.
In other words, you can take wisdom from people who have been there before. Not that everyone will provide helpful solutions to problems in your life. But, they might give you glimpses into things that might come along as you journey into unchartered territory. When someone describes an unusual solution that they have incorporated into their lives, I try to stay open-minded and remember that it might not be relevant to me now, but you never know what might come down the road.
Meanwhile, I’ve cut way back on sugar and treats like that. So, if you see a candy bar in my special stash area, you’d better tread lightly. Messing with that candy would be a big mistake. It might sit there for a month before I decide I’d really like to have a bite. And, believe you me, when I’m ready for it, it better be there. If it’s not, you’re gonna get yourself in a whole mess of trouble. Not kidding. I mean it. Don’t make me hide the candy.
