At nighttime, I usually fall asleep right away. When my pretty little head hits the pillow, I quickly doze off into dreamland without much effort. The problem occurs if I wake up. Sometimes, when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I cannot get back to sleep, no matter how hard I try. Or how easy I try. My friend used to tell his kids to close their eyes ‘easy’, because they would always squinch their eyes together tightly when trying to go to sleep. Relax, close them ‘easy’, softly. So, in middle of the night, I remember to close my eyes easy. But, a lot of times, it doesn’t work.
Not long ago, I was out of town for a few days and was packing up to head back home the next morning. With a three-hour drive ahead of me, I wanted to get a good night’s sleep so I would feel rested and ready to drive the next day. As expected, I fell asleep right when I crawled into bed. As expected, I woke up a few hours later.
This is a rough translation of the conversation that immediately began between Me and My Brain (MyB).
Me: OK, let’s get right back to sleep.
MyB: No, not yet! There are some things we need to think about.
Me: No, not now. I need to sleep.
MyB: It’ll only take a second. Let’s start thinking about….
Me: NO! No thinking. Sleep.
MyB: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. This is important. You won’t be able to remember this in the morning unless we think about it now. It won’t take long. Really.
Me: Really?
MyB: Really. I promise.
Me: OK, just for a quick minute. What do we need to think about?
So, that’s how the dialogue went. And, as they say on NIckelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants,
we finally wrapped up the thinking, and I was able to go back to sleep. What, do you think, was so important that I stayed awake in the middle of the night? What needed my full attention in the wee hours? I am almost too embarrassed to tell you. Almost.
Do you know the song “September” by Earth Wind & Fire? It begins with a catchy phrase “Do you remember…the 21st night of September?” I have always liked that song because it was almost about me. You see, my birthday is in late September, not the 21st, but near. I always thought the song was close enough to my birthdate that I could claim it. So, there in the middle of the night, MyB brought “September” to mind and I started to sing it in my head. Then, I suddenly wondered if I could switch the date and insert my birthday instead. Eureka! It worked! Why stop there, right? I systematically tested every date of the month to see which ones would work in the song. Turns out, the best fit was 3-syllable numbers. My findings were that the following dates worked best 17th, 20th, 21st, 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th, 28th, 30th. (While it did fit, I didn’t like the way 29th sounded in the song, so I canned it.) (Also, 31st would work, too, but 30 days has September.)
Satisfied with my research, I snuggled down to get back to sleep. That’s when MyB whispered, “What about the other months? Do any of them work?”
Me: Are you kidding me??? (Groan.)
And, so it began. I quickly realized that 'Remember' did not sound right with most of the months, so I had work to do. I stuck with the original date of 21st, and then proceeded to figure out words that rhymed with each month so that I could draft new lyrics. Some of them weren’t easy, and most of them are ridiculous. But, I succeeded in creating 12 versions of the opening lyrics for the song “September.” Here they are……drum roll, please.
Do you eat dairy, the 21st night of January?
Do you drink sherry, the 21st night of February?
Do you use starch, the 21st night of March?
Do you like maple, the 21st night of April?
Do you go play, the 21st night of May?
Do you sing a tune, the 21st night of June?
Do you reply, the 21st night of July?
Do you ride the bus, the 21st night of August?
Do you remember, the 21st night of September?
Do you stay sober, the 21st night of October?
Do you dismember, the 21st night of November?
Are you a member, the 21st night of December?
See what I accomplished? Yay, Me. It is more than unbelievable that I wasted any time trying to solve an unnecessary puzzle that I created for myself. But, that’s what I did. That’s what I do. I assign myself an absurd task to see if I can follow through to the end. In the middle of the night. That night, I completed the task of reworking lyrics to a song to accommodate a myriad of fictional birthdays. What an achievement. As a side note, I drove home the next day, sleepy, but without incident.
I think, most of all, I wish I had a Sleep Button, like the one on my computer which puts my processor in stand-by mode. I wish I could click it to tell MyB that it needs to chill, relax, & turn off when I wake up in the night. I would like to leave MyB in sleep mode, then intentionally turn it on when I am ready to think and process. Sadly, I don’t think that is going to happen. So, I guess I’m stuck with Me and MyB, my overworking brain. Time to roll over and flip my pillow to the cool side.
Thanks for listening. I appreciate your non-judgmental attention. Remember September. And, if you come up with better lyrics, let me know. I wasn’t doing my best work—after all, it was 3:00 in the morning.