One of the parenting tips I remember from years ago was the suggestion to limit your child’s choices. For kids, especially young ones, decision-making can be difficult. Faced with a whole drawer full of shirts, some kids will hem and haw around, not being able to decide which shirt to wear. Other kids will stubbornly refuse to wear any shirt except for one smelly, dirty favorite, day after day. To lesson the parent vs child battle on issues such as this, experts often recommend that parents offer two choices: Do you want to wear this or that? With concise, clear options, some kids are able to make firm decisions more easily.
During these times, as we emerge from a world-wide pandemic, I find that some of us are readjusting to decision-making, suddenly realizing that there are many options out there. Our family shuttered down at different levels for about 14 months, eschewing many of our normal activities. As we get things back to normal, we are bombarded with choices—which restaurant do we want to visit? Can we travel? If so, where will we go? Will we gather with our friends? Will we go to a baseball game? Or a concert? Will we wear a mask, or put it away? It’s sometimes hard to feel confident about making the right decision when there are so many possibilities. Do you ever feel that way?
Last week, I was traveling. Lunchtime came while I was driving, and I was hungry. I didn’t want to stop to sit in a restaurant for lunch, but I also didn’t want to eat standard fast-food fare. I suddenly got a hankering for a smoothie drink, something I had not had in a very long time. I made a quick pitstop off the road, so I could Google Search for a ‘smoothie restaurant near me’, and I located a Smoothie King up the highway a bit, not far off of my route. My plan seemed to be falling into place. I followed directions and got there quickly.
Inside the restaurant (no drive-thru window), I stared at the massive menu posted on the wall. There were hundreds of choices of fruity drink combinations, yogurt drink options, energy additives, protein drinks, keto options, metabolism enhancers, vegan choices, immunity builders, and more. It was overwhelming. There were also boosters that could be added to any drink to give it that extra somethin’ somethin’, depending on your preferences. I had miles to go before I sleep, so I needed to decide what smoothie to order without wasting too much time staring at the menu. I finally figured it out, then stepped up to the counter where the worker waited patiently for my order. As soon as I called out my drink choice, he asked me “Plastic or Styrofoam?” I stared at him and said “Huh??” He said, “Do you want your drink in a Plastic or Styrofoam cup?” I stared at him and he stared back at me.
Inside my brain, a flurry of activity began. Why is he asking me that? Plastic or Styrofoam?? Plastic? Plastic straws are bad for the environment, so Plastic cups must be bad for the environment, too. But, wait, Styrofoam is also bad for the environment. Is there a 3rd choice? Plastic or Styrofoam? Isn’t the question supposed to be Paper or Plastic? Maybe there is not an Earth-friendly answer. I remember accidently poking a hole in a Styrofoam cup once. Is that likely to happen again? Does that mean I don’t want Styrofoam? Sometimes the Plastic cups get slippery and hard to pull out of the drink holder in my car. Would that happen today? Would one cup work better than the other? How am I supposed to decide whether I want Plastic or Styrofoam? I have so many questions. What is the right answer?
All this time I stared at him, processing the questions in my head. He stared at me , expectantly, waiting for the answer. There was a lot of staring going on. Finally, in an almost robotic voice, I blurted out my answer, “I have no opinion about that.” He gave me a very hard stare, then said, “Styrofoam works well with the drink you have ordered.” I said, “OK, thanks,” suppressing my very strong urge to ask why. Once I got my drink, I was able to leave gracefully, acting like a normal person who knew how to order a smoothie in a restaurant. The smoothie was quite delicious, just what I wanted.
BTW, my kids always tell me that I often act strangely, and that I use words and phrases that people don’t normally use. They say that I talk weird. Exhibit #1, my response to the smoothie cup question. Yeah, maybe they are right.
Why is it hard to make decisions? Maybe you don’t struggle with that issue the way that I sometimes do. I think, for me, it comes down to the plethora of choices we face day after day. There are, often, too many choices, many of which would be just as good as the next. Like a child who sees a tray of cookies and can’t decide which one to take—I want to try them all! I think that choosing one cookie means that you are forsaking the rest, giving up on the opportunity that you had to taste them, too. If I go down this path, I will never know what I could have seen on the other path. While some people’s lives become paralyzed by fear of failure, I think it is just as easy to become paralyzed by fear of indecision.
Last story, I promise. When I started shopping colleges with my oldest daughter I was surprised at the vast differences between the setting, culture, and vibe on the college campuses we visited. Many of the schools were very different from one another. I had, here-to-fore, thought that she would step onto one of the campuses, feel a warm glow, slightly illuminated by heavenly light, and declare “This is the right school for me!” Instead, we visited and toured multiple colleges, picturing her 4-year stint and realizing that she could really fit in at most of the schools. She would have to decide which seemed the best fit, assuming the finances would work out. There was not one clear choice that stood out above the rest. She eventually settled on a college that was a perfect fit for her. But, I realized, through the search process, that any number of schools would have fit her very well, also.
Sound decision-making seems rooted in confidence. Confidence that you can use your best judgement to make a reasonable choice, and confidence that you can make it work, no matter how things play out. I realize that I need to work on confidence. I also need to work on letting go. I feel sorry for the Christmas trees that have already been cut, but nobody picks; the kitties and puppies that we leave behind at the animal shelter. Making a choice means that I am rejecting all the others. But, I remind myself that it’s not up to me to save the world. All I can do is make the best choice in my corner of the world right now.
As far as decisions go, I think the most important ones we can make involve our daily lives. We decide every day how we are going to treat people and how we are going to react to things that happen around us. While we cannot always choose what will happen, we can choose how we are going to behave, what our attitudes will be. We can choose joy and love and peace. I have a saying that I go back to time and time again. I use this particularly when someone else is bothering me, such as a rude customer, or an obnoxious driver, or someone I encounter who behaves in a less than ideal way. “They are doing the best that they can for right now.” I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, realizing that they are producing as much humanness as they can, given whatever they are dealing with in their lives. It might not be very good, but it’s as much as they can give for now.
That’s a decision I don’t have trouble making. Choosing to believe the best of people. Choosing to support others as we navigate through our lives. Choosing to treat people as equals, because they deserve it as much as I do. Do you agree? Do you choose to treat people with the respect they deserve, no matter the circumstances? Do you? When you face a new day, will you decide to be kind and loving and even-tempered, or grumpy and irritated and accusatory? It’s up to you. What will your attitude be? How will you react to things? How will you behave? It's your choice. Make a decision, already.