Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Why can't we all just get along?*¹

(To keep you engaged, I have littered this long post with various quotes from pop culture and other sources. I challenge you to guess the origin of the quotes denoted by *.  Answers at the end of the post. Good luck!)

I typically post stories and reflections to tell you what I think, because, you know, GwenThinks. But, I don’t discuss political topics, because, you know, politics stink. Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!*²  Today however,  I’m going to make a slight exception.  Not going deep into today’s politics, but breaching the subject of politics, however slightly.

First, let’s all agree that we are relieved that the U.S. November Midterm Elections are finished. And there's winners and there's losers, but they ain't no big deal*³.   I just hope that somebody did a great big “Delete All” to those horrible attack ads and insults that filled the airways for months. Since we live in the Northwest Upstate corner of South Carolina, we fall into an overlap broadcast area for three different states. Thus, we endured a steady stream of vile character-bashing commercials and spots addressing candidates who ran for offices in South Carolina, North Carolina, and Georgia. And, those races were some doozies. We saw, like, an insane amount of condescending vitriol. Good riddance to those hateful rants. Put them in a grave and cover them with dirt. Take it away from here. Far away. Kill it. Dispose of it. Go!*⁴

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is: The Benjamin Franklin Effect.

Without giving you a full rundown on Benjamin Franklin, suffice it to say that he was instrumental in birthing the United States of America as an independent country. He had his hands in every aspect of inciting revolution, establishing doctrine, informing the people, innovating advances in science, cultivating community, and governing the country.  And then some.  (Yes, he originally owned slaves, as was the custom at the time, but his understandings evolved and he became an active abolitionist, campaigning heavily against the practice of slavery. So, he gets a partial pass on that.) Benjamin Franklin was a polymath of the times. 

From Wikipedia: “Foundational in defining the American ethos, Franklin has been called the most accomplished American of his age and the most influential in inventing the type of society America would become".  

All kinds of R.   E.   S.   P.    E.   C.   T. *⁵ for him.

Benjamin Franklin (BF) stumbled upon, and then documented, a psychology phenomenon which has since been dubbed The Benjamin Franklin Effect.  The story goes…...There was a political adversary in Pennsylvania who despised BF. It was well known that BF had a knack for consensus building. He was gifted at getting opposite sides of the table to come together and work towards compromise. But not with this fellow. The man would have nothing to do with BF or his ideas, openly speaking against and defaming him. It was a bit ugly. BF wasn’t even sure why this man hated him so. To turn things around, it would seem logical for BF to try to win the man over by being extra nice to him. No luck with that. But then, with no agenda in mind, BF asked the man to do a favor for HIM—to let BF borrow a very rare and valuable book that the man had in his possession. The man was surprised at the ask, but he agreed, and lent the book to BF. Later, after BF returned the book, he noticed that the man had warmed towards him. They began to converse and eventually became fast friends. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship*⁶.

Instead of doing something nice for his rival, BF asked his rival to do a small favor for him. Afterwards, the man noticeably reconsidered his disdain for BF and began to engage with him. That's the Ben Franklin Effect.

Excerpts from Time Magazine help shine some light on The Benjamin Franklin Effect:

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1. Some psychologists point to Cognitive Dissonance as an explanation. It’s difficult to hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time. It makes us uncomfortable. We resolve this tension by changing our mind. “I don’t like Joe, but I am doing a favor for Joe,” we might think. “So maybe I do like him after all. “
2. We humans want to maintain good relations with other humans, and one way to achieve this is by doing favors for others. Known as the Reciprocation Bias, it explains a lot about altruistic behavior. We like being useful and, by extension, we like those who give us the opportunity to do so. 
3. As behavior scientist Lauren Braithwaite writes, “At its core, the Benjamin Franklin effect transforms adversaries into allies.” And it does so, remarkably, inexplicably, one favor at a time.

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As with many behaviors, there is concern of a person going too far, asking too much, and attempting to manipulate others. Also, according to research, the Ben Franklin Effect doesn’t always work. But, in its simplicity, it’s a rather fascinating concept, don’t you think? So easy, a caveman could do it*⁷.

Soooooo........U.S. politics in 2026. Can you imagine what would happen if some of our statesmen/women took a cue from Ben himself? Tried to reach out to connect with those on the other side?  Not with manipulation or devious intent, but with genuine human care, looking for kind, civil behavior among their colleagues?  Whether they used BF’s method or another method, imagine them lighting a spark, not to ensure a party’s power, but to initiate comradery that could lead to earnest and honest discussions. Is that even possible? Or, likewise, can you imagine if some of us swallowed our pride and did that in our own communities with those certain individuals with whom we just don’t get along? Help me help you*⁸.

Speaking of civil behavior.......

One last thought. When I traveled to Europe (eight countries so far!), I noticed a special spirit and understanding among many of the people. To me, it seemed as if local residents were very conscious of the well-being of all. They followed the norms of polite society. They seemed to buy into the idea that rules and guidelines were for the good of the community, not necessarily for they themselves. They accepted the conditions of civic responsibility and behaved as considerate citizens. Obviously, I am generalizing. But, I saw many many examples of people doing their part, setting their needs aside in order to contribute to the welfare of the collective whole.

Case in point, I recently spent 10 days in two major cities in Portugal. The busy city streets were packed with traffic, but I never heard a single car horn blare. I hadn’t even realized that until I was walking down a bustling Lisbon sidewalk and heard a sudden cacophony of anger. It was like All Hell Broke Loose*⁹.  It was so surprising that I stopped and looked around to find out what was causing all the madness.

Heretofore, drivers had been very courteous, especially when confronted with pedestrians. Drivers always stopped for pedestrians. There was no impatience or irritation. That’s just how they drove, calm faces, respecting the rules of order. From what I had seen, every person, both drivers and walkers, had been making good decisions, playing their part in the grand scheme of things. They all knew what they were supposed to do to keep the rhythm of the city moving along smoothly.  But, on this day, a lone pedestrian broke the circle of trust. Instead of following the walking signals, he had dashed across the multilane street, trying to beat the light. Clearly, he had misjudged. The uproar was instantaneous. Twenty-five or more drivers simultaneously laid on their horns, heads hanging out the car windows shouting Portuguese profanities. The sound was deafening as the man lowered his head and rushed for the sidewalk. Even once he had cleared the street, they continued to berate him, yelling Stupid is as Stupid does*¹⁰, or something along those lines.

Drivers, I surmised, were content to honor the pact and go about their business as they navigated through the city, as long as everyone held up their end of the bargain. But, if someone didn’t hold up their end of the bargain and violated the common rules of civility, all bets were off. Those drivers were not having it. No siree. They were going to let the offender have it. How Rude!!*¹¹

Don't get me wrong--everything in Europe wasn't perfect--far from it. But, for me, many of the places emitted a sense of aggregate conscience. I don’t see that sense of shared community as often here in the U.S. Instead, I witness things like: Those Rules Don’t Apply to Me;   I Need This NOW;    You Are In My Way;     I’m Walking  Here! I’m Walking  Here!*¹²;   and similar Me-Focused messages. Less attention on the common good, more attention on what’s best for me, the individual.  I know, that’s a full-scale generalization, and I apologize if I’ve offended you. But, I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em*¹³.

How are you doing there? Feeling OK with the state of things? Noticing any shift in what is deemed acceptable in our political atmosphere? Seeing improvements in our comprehensive ability to get along? I hope for the best, I really do. Because we need to figure this out, people. How do we live in society, communicate, and get along with each other? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out..…..No, no. We’re all in this together*¹⁴.

Final, final last words of wisdom…..you don’t have to guess this quote..…I’ll give it to you. It's one I think about often. From motivational speaker Jim Rohn: If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.  Ain’t that the truth.

As you can probably tell, I don’t usually let politics get me down. I won’t allow them to drag me into a dark place.  As best I can, I try to be open and accepting, and to listen to what others have to say. In keeping with my Libra zodiac birth sign, I often work to balance the scales. I prefer to spend my energies on the positives. Rather than stew over issues and pick a fight, I’m more inclined to scout out opportunities for well-mannered frivolity*¹⁵. You know, keeping the spirits up, and all. If you need to boost your spirits or lighten your mood, look me up anytime. I’ll be right here*¹⁶.

--Answer Key-- How well did you do? --