Survey Says…

If you ever watched the game show Family Feud, you might remember that phrase.  “SURVEY SAYS….” It was the catch-phrase delivered when answers were revealed on the game board. Did you know I have a friend whose family was on Family Feud a few years ago? They won it all!  5-day Champions; won the Grand Prize. They had a great time and thought Steve Harvey was a hoot. Kudos to JK and her family!

So, I’ve had a lot of weird experiences in my life. Recently, I was remembering back to a time in the 1990s when our family participated in Consumer Research. A local company conducted research for many products, getting customer feedback through surveys. We were very popular with them. At the time we had 3 kids, the 4^th hadn’t been born yet. Our kids were aged preschool through middle school, 2 girls and a boy. Our family had a great demographic because our kids hit 3 different age brackets and both genders. And Rob and I were in the most desired adult age bracket. So, the research company contacted us often, seeking our opinions about various products. We answered many many surveys.

The company might call and say that they would pay $20 for a boy aged 11-15 to review a product. Or, they might call and say that they would pay $15 for a girl aged 8-11 to test a product. Or, they might call and say that there would be no payment, but if a girl aged 4-8 tested this product, then she could keep it. Or, if an adult male took this product home to test, he would be paid $30.  Stuff like that. This happened all the time.  Various members of our family tested gum, toys, mustard, purses, razors, sunscreen, and a host of other products. But two of the product tests stand out in my mind more than any of the others. Because the experiences were so bizarre.

I agreed that our family would participate in a product review of Hot Pockets.  Hot Pockets are a meaty cheesy crusty turnover in the frozen convenience food isle. See the picture here:

These survey products were not Hot Pockets, per se. These were generic frozen turnovers of the Hot Pocket variety. On the night of the test, I picked up a large box which contained multiple unlabeled boxes of individual turnovers coded by numbers. We were to take them home, cook them, and eat them. What seemed like a joyous junk food meal, free and exciting, soon turned into disaster as we struggled to cook certain turnovers in the oven, others in the microwave, keep track of the number codes and fill out the surveys noting who of what age had which opinion about each bite that we tasted.

Questions on the survey included things like this.

On a scale of 1 to 10, please mark

• -How flaky was the crust?
• -How dry was the crust?
• -How light was the crust?
• -How thick was the crust?
• -How deep was the color of the sauce?
• -How spicy was the sauce?
• -How salty was the sauce?
• -How chunky was the sauce?
• -How liquid was the sauce?
• -How satisfied were you with the texture of the sauce?
• -How satisfying was the flavor of the sauce?
• -How stringy was the cheese?
• -How salty was the cheese?
• -How thick was the cheese?
• -How satisfied were you with the proportion of sauce to meat?
• -How satisfied were you with the proportion of sauce to cheese?
• -How satisfied were you with the proportion of cheese to meat?
• -How satisfied were you with the proportion of filling to crust?
• -How easy was it to hold the turnover?
• -How well did the steam escape?

And on and on and on. The survey was about 8 pages long.  I kid you not. There we sat at the table trying to answer every question regarding the turnover that we were eating, so that we could put it aside and start eating the next turnover and answer the same questions again. And again. And again. And again. We had a stack of turnovers to test, and nobody had the patience to get through the paperwork. Things fell apart quickly. We muddled through as best we could, and by the end I was singlehandedly tasting and answering the survey. The family had all had enough.

I don’t think we got paid for that trial. We just got the free food. Yay.

The other product testing that I vividly remember was the Iced Tea test. I hit the motherlode by agreeing to participate in that trial which paid a whopping $50. I was told that I should report to the testing facility and allow about 2 hours of time. When I got there, I began the most hilarious 2 hours ever. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing. About 15 of us were ushered into a small room where long tables lined the walls. Each table had been set with individual stations, side by side. At each station were 2 glasses of water, a bowl of saltine crackers, a notepad with survey sheets, and several pencils. We were instructed to sit down at a station and look directly ahead at the wall. Do not look at the person sitting on either side of you. Stare straight ahead.  We were all sitting very close to one another, with our backs to the middle of the room. Staring at blank walls.

We were given instructions on how to check the itemized numbers on each cup of tea, how to complete the survey, how to work quietly, subdue our reactions and record it all on paper. We were advised that the tea samples were all mixed up so that we would not be tasting the same tea as the people sitting next to us. Don’t even look over at their cup of tea. Don’t talk. Don’t react. Then, an employee walked into the room with a large tray of small see-thru plastic cups of tea, with numbers written on each cup. As he approached me, he placed about 6 different cups of tea at my station. My instructions were to pick up the 1^st cup, record the number from the cup onto my survey, and examine the tea carefully before tasting it. After one or two swallows, I was to complete the survey questions, cleanse my pallet, then move on to the next cup of tea.

Here again, the survey questions sounded something like this.

On a scale of 1 to 10, please rate the following:

• -How clear is the tea?
• -How cloudy is the tea?
• -How dark is the tea?
• -How much debris is in the tea?
• -How artificial does the tea taste?
• -How authentic does the tea taste?
• -How well does the tea quench your thirst?
• -How much aftertaste do you get from the tea?
• -How bitter is the tea?
• -How sweet is the tea?
• -How heavy is the tea?
• -How light is the tea?
• -How tangy is the tea?
• -How earthy is the tea?
• -How fruity is the tea?
• -How zesty is the tea?
• -How spicy is the tea?
• -How fresh is the tea?
• -How bold is the tea?

And on and on and on and on.  Pages and pages of survey questions. I could never imagine so many adjectives being assigned to tea. I felt quite giggly.

When I finished tasting the 6 cups of tea, another round of teas appeared, and I started all over again, ad infinitum. After about an hour we were given a break and instructed not to talk to one another. So, we testers stood in the hallway nodding at each other whenever we made eye contact. Then we went silently back to our work. It was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. Except for an occasional gulping sound. Have you ever heard of anything so peculiar?

It was so ridiculously goofy, I had to keep myself from looking around and laughing at all of us with our serious expressions and our single-minded focus on the task at hand. But, I held it together, drank my fill of Iced Tea, recorded my opinions, and accepted my $50 payment.  By looking at the results, I guess whoever wanted to know whatever they wanted to know found out what they wanted to know. And I helped them get the answers that they needed.

Those survey days are over now. No one has asked me what I think about such and such for a long time.  I’m not even sure if product research is done that way anymore.  But, I’m glad my family was able to participate. It gave us a little insight into the world of marketing and product development.

And, as always, it gave me another good story to tell.