This Unique Life

Whadoyasay we get kinda philosophical here for a moment? I was thinking about this stuff the other day, and things hit me with a pretty big wallop upside the head. I thought I would share my thoughts with you to see if you had any insight regarding This Unique Life.

As background, twenty-some odd years ago, my dad passed away suddenly as a result of a medical emergency. Our family struggled with our grief, especially my mom, with her newfound state of widowhood. During that timeframe, there were numerous other tragic losses of life within my greater circle of acquaintances. All were husbands who were taken too soon, leaving behind grieving widows. I was shaken and confused, wondering, “What in the world is going on?” with so many husbands/dads leaving their families behind. To me, it seemed like a rash of sudden deaths, and it seemed that I should be able to find an explanation.

But, on closer look, I realized that this was not an epidemic of loss, that these deaths were not related in any way at all.  I realized, in fact, that the people who departed were not within the same communities or groups. That the only thing that connected these deaths in any way, shape, or form, was that I knew all of these people. The men who left us were from my past and my present, people I knew from childhood, from previous cities where I had lived, from previous jobs, from nearby cities, and from our current town. I had met each of the families along the way. These men were in various stages of life, from many different backgrounds. They were lost due to medical emergency, accident, long-term illness, suicide, and even murder. Notwithstanding the timing of their deaths, there was no connecting factor; I mean, no one who knew THIS person would also know THAT person. No one, except for me.

That’s what got me to thinking about the unique nature of my life. From the time I hit the ground running as a tiny little tyke, to the time I lay my head down for the final sleep, I will encounter thousands of people. I am the only person in the world, Past, Present, or Future, who will know that specific set of people. That’s what defines This Unique Life. It’s like a Venn Diagram, where no other person’s circle of acquaintances completely overlaps my circle of people. My circle is mine and mine alone. See the yellow circle, representing all the people I have met throughout my lifetime? There is some overlap with my husband, and my parents & family, and my co-workers' circles, but we each have sections of our circles that don't overlap. If you understand how to interpret a Venn diagram.

Think about it. When I was a child, my parents and my sister knew most of the people that I knew. But, as I got older, even in the small town where I lived, my parents didn’t know all the teachers at my school, or all the kids in my class, or parents of the kids, as I did. When I left for college, my parents did not know all the people that I interacted with, just as my new college friends did not know the people from my hometown. When I got married and started a family, my husband Rob did not know many of the people from my past, although we did meet in college and had mutual friends there. In our marriage, even though we operated as a team, he did not know people that I knew from work, PTA, Girl Scouts, etc. He didn’t know the kids in my preschool class or their parents. People at the doctor’s office. Or the hairdresser. Any of the people that I dealt with as I did day-to-day activities in my life. Nor did I know the people that he came across on a daily basis.

I think it’s safe to say that no matter how far someone goes back with their significant other or family member, they will not know every single person that the other person knows. Unless they have spent every waking hour with each other from birth on. So, my theory is that I am the ONLY person in the world EVER who knows the unique set of people that I know. YOU are the ONLY person in the world EVER who knows the unique set of people that you know. You might have shared similar experiences in life with other people, but not with the exact same set of people from birth to death.

Agreed?

So, what can we do with that information?

I like to think about the impact that we have on others and on the world at large. I have two different trains of thought on this topic.

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• 1. THE 'BEEN THERE' FACTOR

Given our individual experiences in life and the associates we have encountered, I wonder if a specific message might emerge because we have 'Been There'?

In my earlier story, I realized that I knew multiple women who lost their husbands unexpectedly in a short period of time. I noted how odd that was, but I didn’t feel equipped to make any sense of it or do anything about it. Instead, I gave my condolences, sent prayers of comfort, and followed up as was relevant to each situation.  Then, I just dealt with the grief that my own family was suffering for the loss of my dad. But, I use that as an example to illustrate that I was the only person who had that unique perspective, knowing so many widows who suffered a tragic loss all at once. Have there been other situations in my life where I, and I alone, knew circumstances that no one else knew?

I wonder, if we each look in the rearview mirror, would we find themes that we might be uniquely empowered to address?  Because of the people we know and the things we have encountered?  Maybe I’M the one person who has ‘Been There’ in a way that would give me the insight to help, or improve, or tackle, or address whatever needs or concerns stand out. Maybe I can use MY resources because I've 'Been There' and I have unique insight into the situation, whatever it is.

I’m sure many of you have had that feeling before. “If I could get THIS guy together with THAT guy, and bring in THE OTHER guy, then we could really get something going.” Maybe we should all keep our antennas up to identify opportunities that might arise. Where we’ve ‘Been There’, so that our past experiences, and the contacts that we've made, can help us accomplish things and help other people.

• 2. THE 'SLUG' FACTOR

OK, maybe not the most pleasant imagery. But, when I think back over all the twists and turns of my life, I often think about the trail I left behind. You know, like the trail of mucus left behind a slug or snail. (Hey, if you’d rather imagine a lingering unicorn rainbow trail, then that’s up to you.)

No matter who I have encountered, I have left either a positive impression, a negative impression, or no impression at all. I cringe when I remember a particular meeting with an elementary school mother many years ago. She remembered everything about our previous conversation. I had no memory whatsoever of meeting her before. Absolute nada. I felt terribly bad that didn’t remember talking to her, I couldn’t place her, and I had no recollection that she even existed. I wracked my brain but came up with nothing. It was very embarrassing for me to have zero impression of someone that I had met and spoken to previously.

But, more times than not, I think each of us does leave impressions behind.

If I think about the 'Slug' slime trail that weaves its way through my history, I hope that the places where I have left it have a positive vibe. I hope that the people I have encountered along the way feel good about my passing through their lives. I know there are people who I have disappointed, or even angered. But, I hope there are many more that I have impacted in an uplifting, positive way. My trail crisscrosses other people’s trails, but it forges its own path, unique to me.

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I think all of this is rather Empowering and Encouraging. Does God have a plan for my life? Does The Universe? Do I? What DO I do with This Unique Life? What do ANY of us do?  Worst case scenario is that we plod along dutifully, trying to figure out everything in front of us, ignoring our rich history and the valuable resources that we have accumulated. Best case scenario is that we take full advantage of everything that we have learned along the way, everyone that we have met along the way, pool our resources and, try to

“Do whatever I can,

wherever I am,

whenever I can,

for as long as I can

with whatever I have

to try to make a difference. “

-Jimmy Carter

And, I hope that we pay attention to the Slug trail we leave behind, giving everyone along the trail a reason to smile.

Take a minute and think back on your life so far. All the experiences you’ve had and the people who have been part of those experiences. Surely some people made a lasting impression on you. How has that impacted your life, for good or for bad?

I know, I know, I’m getting very reflective here. You might wonder “Just how old ARE you, Gwen??”  Old enough, old enough.  It amazes me when I look at the friends list that I have accumulated on social media sites. People from all areas of my life—way back when, all the way up to today. It’s great that we can continue to have those connections over the years.  I also think it’s wise to sometimes reflect and try to make sense of all the things we have gone through over our lifespan. To use that information to improve the future. Again,

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

-Theodore Roosevelt

My advice: Appreciate the people. And, pass along the lessons that you learn in This Unique Life.